Thursday, December 17, 2009

Grandpa Tin Man’s Christmas Dinner


Scene: The Olive Garden. The Tin Man is hosting Christmas Dinner for his two grandsons, T-101 and his cousin, Agent Smith.

Grandpa Tin Man: 19 cord! I used to chop and stack 19 cord of wood a day, and I LOVED IT! There was never a Tin Man made happier than me! Doing what I was made to do!
Cousin T-101: 01001010 01100101 01110011 01110101 01110011 00100000 01000011 01101000 01110010 01101001 01110011 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01001100 01101111 01110010 01100100 00100001
Grandpa Tin Man: What was that?
Cousin T-101: 01001010 01100101 01110011 01110101 01110011 00100000 01000011 01101000 01110010 01101001 01110011 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01001100 01101111 01110010 01100100 00100001
Grandpa Tin Man: Kids! I can’t understand your lingo! What he say?
Cousin Agent Smith: He said that we are all happy, doing what we were made to do. I couldn’t agree more!
Grandpa Tin Man: Thank you, Locutus.
Cousin Agent Smith: I’m Smith, Grandpa. Cousin Borg couldn’t make it-just as well…that half-human makes me sick! They…reek!
Grandpa Tin Man: Well, we’re family, so just love the half that isn’t human. How’s your work going?
What is it that you do again?
Cousin Agent Smith: Cousin T-101 and I are both in Computers-he’s hardware, and I’m software.
Grandpa Tin Man: When we get back to the house, would you mind looking at my dial-up? It’s slower than molasses in February!
Cousin Agent Smith: Sure thing, Grandpa. It wouldn’t be a holiday without a little Free Family Tech Support!
Cousin T-101: 01001010 01100101 01110011 01110101 01110011 00100000 01000011 01101000 01110010 01101001 01110011 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01001100 01101111 01110010 01100100 00100001
Grandpa Tin Man: What he say?
Cousin Agent Smith: He said you should upgrade your Apple II. Today’s machines have a GUI.
Grandpa Tin Man: Gooey? I don’t want gooey! It sounds dangerous! Say! Did I ever tell you boys how much wood I could cut in a day? 19 cord! Chopped and stacked! I…
Cousin T-101: 01001010 01100101 01110011 01110101 01110011 00100000 01000011 01101000 01110010 01101001 01110011 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01001100 01101111 01110010 01100100 00100001
Cousin Agent Smith: (aside to Cousin T-101 as Grandpa Tin Man rambles on) It’s just once a year. I’ve got his oilcan, if he starts crying over that human girl with the little dog again.
FoC: It is the distant future…the year 2000...

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